When Sex Hurts: A Mind-Body Approach to Relief
By Lorraine Faehndrich.
If you experience burning, discomfort or pain during sex, you are not alone. And you are not broken.
I know from firsthand experience how frustrating and painful it is to have something that’s supposed to bring joy and connection feel stressful, or even impossible. I want you to know: you can absolutely heal.
In fact, relieving pain during sex often becomes a path of deep self-discovery. The process of healing can bring you closer to your body, your emotions, and your pleasure than you’ve ever been.
What many women don’t realize is that mind-body factors like life stress, unresolved emotions, relationship challenges, or past trauma can all contribute to pelvic floor tension and an overstimulated nervous system, which can cause or contribute to pain during sex.
And that’s not all.
Most of us have been shaped by a sex-negative culture…through family, religion, or media. Add in the lack of education around female pleasure and arousal, and it’s no wonder so many women experience pain, shame, or confusion around sex.
Common mind-body contributors to painful sex include:
- Fear, stress, or emotional trauma
- Anxiety around sex or performance
- Self-pressure and perfectionist patterns in daily life
- Issues in the relationship
- Guilt or shame around pleasure
- Cultural or religious conditioning
- Past sexual experiences that didn’t feel good
- Over-focusing on a partner’s pleasure and ignoring your own
Pain during sex can begin suddenly, after an infection, a stressful time in your life, or a period of increased sexual activity, or it may build gradually. However your pain began, exploring and healing the emotional and nervous system roots is so important.
A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Pain During Sex
Relieving the pain and enjoying sex again is about healing your relationship with your body, your emotions, and your sexuality.
Depending on what’s going on for you, this can include:
- Releasing culturally conditioned beliefs
- Healing old emotional patterns or trauma
- Learning how to feel safe and relaxed in your body again
- Honoring your body’s wisdom
- Inviting breath, softness, movement, and pleasure back into your experience
When my clients do this work, they not only relieve their pain, they often enjoy sex more than they ever imagined possible.
Where to Start
Begin by getting curious:
- What was happening in your life when the pain began?
- How do you feel about your vulva, your vagina, your sexuality?
- Are there emotions, memories, or protective patterns you’re holding onto?
- Do you often push yourself, strive for perfection, or ignore your own needs?
If any of this resonates, and you suspect there may be emotional or mind-body causes behind your pain, I’d love to support you.
My free masterclass, Say Goodbye to Pelvic Pain, will help you understand how pain works, how your body and nervous system respond to emotions and past experiences, and most importantly—how you can heal.
You can enjoy sex again.
You can feel at home in your body.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
About the Author
Lorraine Faehndrich, NBC-HWC, is a Pelvic Pain Recovery Coach and the creator of the mind-body pain relief program, Healing Female Pain. She has spent over 12 years helping women relieve pelvic and sexual pain, reconnect with their bodies, and reclaim pleasure—without shame. Her approach blends neuroscience, emotional healing, body-based tools, and her own lived experience healing painful sex and vulvodynia to support deep, lasting transformation.
👉 Get her free masterclass, Say Goodbye to Pelvic Pain, here.
