The Power of Flirting
By Rachel Grant, M.A. Counseling Psychology.
Awhile back, I came across a delightful article, “Happily Ever After: Could Flirting Be the Secret to a Successful Marriage?” by Lori Leibovich. In it, she tells the story of Sam and Florence, a couple married for 59 years, and gently wonders what magic allowed them to thrive together through the decades.
One key ingredient? Flirting.
Leibovich writes:
“… we decided that what kept them from losing interest — from getting bored, straying or giving up — was that they both relished small freedoms. They let themselves go — apart from, but not in violation of, their relationship. They both were shameless, unapologetic, gifted flirts.”
This idea lit me up. Flirting is often misunderstood or dismissed as something frivolous—or worse, as dangerous. But in truth, it can be a vibrant expression of erotic energy, confidence, and connection.
Flirting invites us into a shared moment of play. It’s not always about seduction or outcome—it’s about presence, attention, and delight. The dance of language, innuendo, laughter, and mutual appreciation can feel electric, whether it’s with a long-term partner or a stranger who catches your eye on the subway. It’s a way of saying: I see you. And I feel seen.
In a world where so much communication has become transactional, the subtle art of flirting is a breath of fresh, sexy air. It’s creativity in motion. It’s imagination meeting embodiment. And when infused into a romantic or sexual relationship, it can reignite desire, build anticipation, and remind us of our playfulness.
I recently witnessed this firsthand. At a dinner party, a woman turned to her partner and said, “I forgot how devastating your smile is.” The way his face lit up! It was more than a compliment—it was an invitation. A whisper of seduction wrapped in warmth. That moment reminded me that flirting isn’t about putting on a performance; it’s about expressing desire, admiration, and joy.
Leibovich shares how Florence had a years-long flirtation with the neighborhood butcher—not an affair, but a secret world filled with charm and fantasy. She writes:
“Had the butcher one day put down his veal chop and said, ‘Mrs. Brownstein, why don’t you meet me after work tonight?’ the spell would have vanished… all the shared moments would have instantly turned to shards of glass.”
Exactly. The magic of flirting lives in the in-between. The spark, not the fire. The wink, not the invitation to bed. And that spark has real power. It can enliven our erotic selves, enhance our emotional well-being, and even deepen intimacy with our primary partners by reminding us that we’re still desirable, still alive, still full of heat and mischief.
So whether you’re single or partnered, straight or queer, shy or bold—flirting is for you. It’s a delicious, affirming, and often hilariously fun way to connect with others and yourself.
Go ahead. Turn a phrase. Lock eyes a moment longer. Make your partner blush in the kitchen. Build a secret world of shared glances and inside jokes. And above all—enjoy the pleasure of being playful.
Wink.
Rachel Grant is a disruptor of traditional modes of healing, creator of the Beyond Surviving program, international speaker, podcast host, and Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach with an M.A. in Counseling Psychology. She is also the author of Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse.
Learn more at www.rachelgrantcoaching.com
